As promised, we offer below some holiday humor and thoughts-to-ponder. You’ll notice that the list this year is extensive and has some repeats from last year–in case you weren’t with us last year. This year the world seems in a funk with all the global conflicts, nations worried about their leaders, people in dire straits along with the usual holiday stress. So we overdid the list this year and hope it helps you to enjoy the season. If not now, when?
- A LITTLE BOY WANTED TO BE JOSEPH IN THE SCHOOL’S CHRISTMAS PLAY BUT INSTEAD HE WAS CHOSEN TO BE THE INNKEEPER IN THE STORY. WHEN HE OBJECTED LOUDLY HE WAS IGNORED. SO WHEN MARY AND JOSEPH APPROACHED THE INN DURING THE PLAY AND ASKED ABOUT A PLACE TO STAY HE SAID “YEA, SURE, LOTS OF ROOM, COME ON IN!!!”
- I LIKE TO CLAIM I’M NOT A MILLENIAL BUT LAST NIGHT MY WIFE AND I LOOKED INTO RENTING A CHRISTMAS TREE.
- MY MOTHER-IN-LAW HAS COME TO OUR HOUSE SEVEN YEARS IN A ROW. THIS YEAR WE’RE DOING THINGS A BIT DIFFERENT. WE’RE GOING TO LET HER IN.
- HOW CAN YOU GIVE KRIS KRINGLE A PARKING TICKET ON CHRISTMAS EVE? WHAT’S NEXT, RABIES SHOTS FOR THE EASTER BUNNY?
- THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS MONEY CAN’T BUY. BUT NONE OF THEM IS ON MY SON’S LIST.
- I BOUGHT MY BROTHER SOME GIFT WRAP FOR CHRISTMAS. I TOOK IT TO THE GIFT WRAP DEPARTMENT AND TOLD THEM TO WRAP IT–BUT IN A DIFFERENT PRINT SO HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP UNWRAPPING.
- OF COURSE, SANTA IS DEAD. YOU FORCE A GUY TO EAT A BILLION COOKIES IN ONE NIGHT–WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
- DEAR SANTA, BEFORE I EXPLAIN, HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ALREADY?
- I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS BUT IF THE WHITE RUNS OUT–I’LL DRINK THE RED.
- THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR RELIGION IS, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON WHY IT’S BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHER ONES.
- ONE THING I LEARNED ABOUT DRINKING–IF YOU EVER GO CHRISTMAS CAROLING YOU SHOULD GO WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE AND GO IN MID-DECEMBER.
- I LEFT SANTA SOME GLUTEN-FREE COOKIES AND ORGANIC SOY MILK AND HE PUT A SOLAR PANEL IN MY STOCKING.
- THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO CATCH UP WITH PEOPLE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN FOR TWENTY MINUTES.
- DEAR SANTA, I WAS FRAMED.
- IT’S THAT SPECIAL TIME OF THE YEAR WHEN YOUR WHOLE FAMILY GATHERS TOGETHER IN ONE PLACE TO LOOK AT THEIR CELLPHONES.
- NOTHING SAYS “HOLDAYS” LIKE A CHEESE LOG.
- THE SUPREME COURT HAS RULED THAT THEY CANNOT HAVE A NATIVITY SCENE IN WASHINGTON DC. THIS WASN’T FOR ANY RELIGIOUS REASONS. THEY SIMPLY COULDN’T FIND THREE WISE MEN AND A VIRGIN.
- THIS CHRISMAS I’M GIVING ALL MY FAMILY MEMBERS A CARD THAT READS “INSTEAD OF GIFTS I’M DONATING $100 IN YOUR NAME TO MY THERAPIST”.
- WHAT CHRISTMAS SONG IS A FAVORITE AT THE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL “DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?”
- THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS JOLLY IS HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
- LET’S ALL BE NAUGHTY AND SAVE SANTA THE TRIP.
- I ASKED SANTA FOR A UNICORN FOR CHRISTMAS. HE SAID THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE. SO I SAID “OK I JUST WANT 5 MINUTES A DAY TO DRINK MY COFFEE AND A MINUTE TO PEE IN PEACE”. SANTA REPLIED “WHAT COLOR UNICORN DID YOU WANT?”
- CHRISTMAS. IT’S THE ONLY RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY THAT’S ALSO A FEDERAL HOLIDAY. THAT WAY, CHRISTIANS CAN GO TO THEIR SERVICES AND EVERYONE ELSE CAN SIT HOME AND REFLECT ON THE TRUE MEANING OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.
A FEW THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUOTES…
- IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE. IT’S THE ONE NIGHT OF THE YEAR WHEN WE ALL ACT A LITTLE NICER, WE SMILE A LITTLE EASIER, WE CHEER A LITTLE MORE. FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS WE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT WE ALWAYS HOPED WE WOULD BE.
- WHEN DID WISHING SOMEONE A ‘MERRY CHRSTMAS’ BECOME POLICIALLY INCORRECT?
- IF CHRISTMAS DOESN’T INVOLVE YOU PERSONNALY–CHECK FOR A PULSE.
- NEVER WORRY ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE. IN THE EYES OF CHILDREN THEY’RE ALL 30 FEET TALL.
www.anothersview.com wishes all our readers a safe and happy season. We thank you for tuning into our comments periodically and invite you to visit us regularly in the new year. The golden rule was never needed more than right now. So relax, enjoy and accept the warmth of the season. It’s all around you. You just need to know where to look.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
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