Yes, it’s that time of the year when football dominates the sports page and young men everywhere dream of being a star athlete. It’s also the time for bone-crunching collisions and off-the-field mayhem. But we’ll leave the negatives to those who overlook the similarities between the Roman gladiators fighting to the death and football players beating up on each other because of the “entertainment” value. Let’s try to inject a little humor. We caution you–whenever we mention a specific team you are allowed to substitute ANY team name of your choice so as to outflank your friends…no inferred truth prevails and no bias is intended.
THE SUPER BOWL IS THE ONLY BOWL I’VE SEEN THAT I DIDN’T HAVE TO CLEAN. (Erma Bombeck)
AN ATHEIST IS A GUY WHO WATCHES A NOTRE DAME-SOUTHERN METHODIST UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL GAME AND DOESN’T CARE WHO WINS. (Dwight D. Eisenhower)
THE REASON WOMEN DON’T PLAY FOOTBALL IS BECAUSE 11 OF THEM WOULD NEVER WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT AT THE SAME TIME IN THE SAME PLACE. (Phyllis Diller)
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE SHE SAID I WAS OBSESSED WITH FOOTBALL. WE HAD BEEN DATING FOR FOUR SEASONS.
AN ALABAMA FAN AND A TENNESSEE FAN WERE CAPTURED DURING WORLD WAR II. AS THEY ABOUT TO BE EXECUTED THE GERMAN COMMANDER ASKED THEM IF THEY HAD ANY LAST REQUESTS. THE TENNESSEE FAN SAID “I WANT TO HEAR ‘ROCKY TOP’ ONE MORE TIME’. THE BAMA FAN WAS ASKED ABOUT HIS LAST REQUEST AND HE SAID “TAKE ME FIRST!!!”
WHAT DO YOU CALL A JACKSONVILLE JAGUAR WITH A SUPER BOWL RING? A THIEF.
THE CHICAGO BEARS VISITED AN ORPHANAGE. “IT WAS SO SAD TO SEE THEIR LITTLE FACES WITH NO HOPE WHATSOEVER”, SAID FIVEYEAR-OLD OWEN.
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF AN ALABAMA FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS A GIRLFRIEND? THERE’S TOBACCO JUICE ON BOTH SIDES OF HIS PICKUP TRUCK.
NOBODY IN FOOTBALL SHOULD BE CALLED “GENIUS”. A GENIUS IS A GUY LIKE NORMAN EINSTEIN. (Joe Theismann)
FOOTBALL IS A MISTAKE. IT COMBINES TWO OF THE WORST THINGS ABOUT AMERICAN LIFE. IT IS VIOLENCE PUCTUATED BY COMMITTEE MEETINGS. (George Will)
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