As is our usual pattern we wanted to reflect a bit of humor on the Kentucky Derby and horsey humor in general as May 4th and the “run for the roses” starts grabbing the headlines. We hope you enjoy these tidbits and will pass them along as Derby Day nears. Happy reading !!!!
- HORSE SENSE IS WHAT KEEPS HORSES FROM BETTING ON WHAT PEOPLE WILL DO.
- I PUT A BET ON A HORSE THAT HAD EXCELLENT BREEDING. AFTER THE HORSE LEFT THE STARTING GATE, HE STOPPED AND CLOSED IT BEHIND HIM.
- MY FAVORITE GAMBLING EVENT IS HORSE RACING BUT I’M BAD AT IT. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, THE HORSES ARE JUST WAY FASTER.
- IF HORSE RACING IS THE “SPORT OF KINGS”, IS DRAG RACING THE “SPORT OF QUEENS”?
- A TALKING HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR AND APPROACHES THE MANAGER. “EXCUSE ME, GOOD SIR”, THE HORSE SAYS “ARE YOU HIRING?” THE MANAGER LOOKS THE HORSE UP AND DOWN AND SAYS “SORRY PAL, WHY DON’T YOU TRY THE CIRCUS?’ THE HORSE NICKERS AND SAYS “WHY WOULD THE CIRCUS NEED A BARTENDER”?
- I PUT A BET ON A HORSE TO COME IN AND WIN AT 10 TO 1–AND IT DID. UNFORTUNATELY ALL THE OTHER HORSES CAME IN AT 12:30.
- YOU’RE RIDING A HORSE AT FULL SPEED, THERE’S A GIRAFFE RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND A LION NIPPING AT YOUR HEELS. WHAT DO YOU DO? ANSWER: GET OFF THE CAROUSEL AND SOBER UP.
- A HORSE STS DOWN IN A MOVIE THEATER AND THE WOMAN NEXT TO HIM ASKS “EXCUSE ME…ARE YOU A HORSE?” ‘WHY, YES I AM” REPLIES THE HORSE. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THIS MOVIE?” THE HORSE SAYS “I REALLY LIKED THE BOOK”.
- A GUY IS WALKING THROUGH THE COUNTRY WHEN HE SPOTS A SIGN THAT READS “TALKING HORSE FOR SALE”. INTRIGUED, HE WALKS UP TO THE STABLE TO CHECK IT OUT. “SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR LIFE?” HE ASKS. “I’VE LEAD A FULL LIFE”, THE HORSE ANSWERS MIRACULOUSLY. I WAS BORN IN THE ANDES WHERE I HERDED SHEEP FOR AN ENTIRE VILLAGE. YEARS LATER, I JOINED THE MOUNTED POLICE FORCE IN NEW YORK AND HELPED KEEP THE CITY CLEAN. AND NOW, I SPEND MY DAYS GIVING FREE RIDES TO UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS HERE INTHE COUNTRY”. THE GUY IS FLABBERGASTED. HE ASKS THE HORSE’S OWNER “WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO GET RID OF SUCH AN INCREDIBLE ANIMAL?” THE OWNER SAYS “BECAUSE HE’S A LIAR. HE NEVER DID ANY OF THAT”.
- THE DEVOUT COWBOY LOST HIS FAVORITE BIBLE WHILE HE WAS MENDING FENCES OUT ON THE RANGE. THREE WEEKS LATER, A HORSE WALKS UP TO HIM CARRYING THE BIBLE IN ITS MOUTH. THE COWBOY COULDN’T BELIEVE HIS EYES. HE TOOK THE PRECIOUS BOOK OUT OF THE HORSE’S MOUTH, RAISED HIS EYES TO HEAVEN AND EXCLAIMED “IT’S A MIRACLE”. “NOT REALLY.” SAID THE HORSE. “YOUR NAME IS WRITTEN INSIDE THE COVER”.
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