To celebrate the season we offer some words of wisdom or not…your choice.

  • EAT A LIVE FROG FIRST THING IN THE MORNING AND NOTHING WORSE WILL HAPPEN TO YOU THE REST OF THE DAY. (Mark Twain)
  • THAT WOMAN SPEAKS 18 LANGUAGES AND SHE CAN’T SAY “NO” IN ANY OF THEM. (Dorothy Parker)
  • TV AND THE INTERNET ARE GOOD BECAUSE THEY KEEP STUPID PEOPLE FROM SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME OUT IN THE PUBLIC. (Douglas Coupland)
  • THEY SAYS ‘GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE’. WELL I THINK THE GUN HELPS. IF YOU JUST STOOD THERE AND SAID ‘BANG’, I DON’T THINK YOU’D KILL TOO MANY. (Eddie Izzard)
  • EVERYWHERE IS WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME. (Steven Wright)
  • WHEN I WAS A KID MY FOLKS MOVED A LOT, BUT I ALWAYS FOUND THEM. (Rodney Dangerfield)
  • IF A PERSON WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS SUICIDE, IS THAT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION? (Steven Wright)
  • IF A MAN SAYS SOMETHING IN THE WOODS AND THERE IS NO WOMAN AROUND, IS HE STILL WRONG? (Steven Wright)
  • NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS. (George Carlin)
  • IF YOU TRY TO FAIL AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE? (George Carlin)
  • THE TROUBLE WITH BEING IN A RAT RACE IS THAT EVEN IF YOU WIN YOU’RE STILL A RAT. (Liliy Tomlin)
  • TOO BAD ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO RUN THE COUNTRY ARE BUSY DRIVING CABS AND CUTTING HAIR. (George Burns)
  • I JUST CAN’T LISTEN TO ANY MORE WAGNER, YOU KNOW…I’M STARTING TO GET THE URGE TO CONQUER POLAND. (Woody Allen)
  • WHO WAS THE GUY WHO FIRST LOOKED AT A COW AND SAID ‘I THINK I’LL DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT OF THOSE WHEN I SQUEEZE THEM?’ (Bill Watterson)
  • I TOOK A TEST IN EXISTENTIALISM. I LEFT ALL THE ANSWERS BLANK AND GOT 100. (Woody Allen)
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