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- I WAS NAUSEOUS AND TINGLED ALL OVER. I WAS EITHER IN LOVE OR I HAD SMALLPOX. (Woody Allen)
- THE TROUBLE WITH SOME WOMEN IS THEY GET ALL EXCITED ABOUT NOTHING AND THEN THEY MARRY HIM. (Cher)
- VALENTINES DAY IS WHEN A LOT OF MARRIED MEN ARE REMINDED OF WHAT A POOR SHOT CUPID IS. (Unknown)
- WOMEN MARRY MEN HOPING THEY’LL CHANGE; MEN MARRY WOMEN HOPING THEY WON’T CHANGE. SO EACH IS INEVITABLY DISAPPOINTED. (Einstein)
- LOVE IS A LOT LIKE A BACKACHE. IT DOESN’T SHOW UP ON AN X-RAY BUT YOU KNOW IT’S THERE. (George Burns)
- A MAN IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE MARRIES…THEN HE’S FINISHED. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
- YOU CAN’T BUY LOVE BUT YOU CAN PAY BY THE HOUR FOR IT. (Henny Youngman)
- REMEMBER YOUR VALENTINE SAYS YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEND THE VERY BEST EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE TOO LAZY TO PUT IT IN YOUR OWN WORDS. (Melanie White)
- MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM THEIR UNDERWEAR THAT THEY WANT FROM A WOMAN, A LITTLE BIT OF SUPPORT AND A LITTLE BIT OF FREEDOM. (Jerry Seinfeld)
- A GUY KNOWS HE’S IN LOVE WHEN HE LOSES INTEREST IN HIS CAR FOR A FEW DAYS. (Tim Allen)
- AN ARCHEOLOGIST IS THE BEST HUSBAND A WOMAN CAN HAVE. THE OLDER SHE GETS THE MORE INTERESTED HE IS IN HER. (Agatha Christie)
- I ALMOST HAD A PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND BUT SHE LEFT ME BEFORE WE MET. (Steven Wright)
- MY WIFE WAS AFRAID OF THE DARK. THEN ONE DAY SHE SAW ME NAKED AND NOW SHE’S AFRAID OF THE LIGHT. (Rodney Dangerfield)
- WOMEN NEED A REASON TO HAVE SEX. MEN JUST NEED A PLACE. (Billy Crystal)
- OH, HERE’S AN IDEA…LET’S MAKE PICTURES OF INTERNAL ORGANS (HEART) AND GIVE THEM TO THE PEOPLE WE LOVE ON VALENTINES DAY. (Jimmy Fallon)
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